‘The timepiece stuck thirteen. A moment of absolute silence. Her legs now moving faster. Getting further with every mile, getting further away from the constant monotony of life. With each step tranquility coursed through her veins as her mind gradually started to become awake with clarity. It was as if she was no longer smothered by the fear of loss or failure. She was no longer a slave to the societal construct of having to find eternal happiness. As she looked back she realized that the need to be happy can be offset by comprehending that sometimes the reality is that you tend to lose your way. How sometimes even the unfortunate events in life put us directly on the path to something better, a path where there is more to life than just chasing down happiness? SVETLANA’S CONFLICTS Svetlana had always inculcated the ideology of honesty, hard work, love and care for who/what mattered to her. A direct result of virtuous beliefs she had been nurtured with since childhood. It was when she left behind the protection of a sheltered life and stepped into the ‘real’ world that her life took a drastic turn. The world around her operated in a radically different way. It operated in a mechanistic manner.
A constant whirlpool where the things she valued seemed a poor fit for what it took to successfully live in this world. She decided if she wants to be a part of this world she had start to speak its language. But, with the passage of time, she started pondering over everyday life, being critical of her choices. She started to become a victim of her own thoughts and how they counteracted her actions. She found himself engulfed in the vicious cycle of self-doubt and fear. Even so, she did everything to fit in this world, it seemed to her like life just wanted to keep pushing her down, giving her hurdles that she thought she didn’t deserve. Further, the absence of her own beliefs was only resulting in disintegration of her own life. It raised this existential question in her head of what was really relevant, her values or validation of the world? HOW LIFE CAN BE DISINTEGRATED SO OFTEN Much like Svetlana, we are a part of a world full of disintegrated lives.
While some fall apart during a crisis and struggle to carry on with life, there are others who come out stronger and more at peace with themselves. We all hope to be in the latter category but it’s tough to know how we will respond to setbacks that sometimes cause us to question everything we believe in. Further, we often fail to acknowledge that in crisis, our painted sense of self is swept away. However, it is also the time when we are at our greatest potential for growth. SVETLANA’S BREAKTHROUGH OF DISINTEGRATION Svetlana decided to take a step back away the chaos that her life had become. She went on an independent trip to different parts of the country. This made her reflect upon the way she views life, nature, cultures without someone on her side weighing in their opinion. It made her more attentive and alert to details and her thoughts. She was forced to take up challenges by herself, where she told herself that fear and self-doubt is just another obstacle to conquer on her journey. Stepping outside of her comfort zone helped her develop a new perspective. She became aware and confident of the person she was in the absence of the weight of the world. This clarity of thoughts helped her inherent potential to be unveiled towards a more fulfilling life path full of possibilities. She became more resilient whenever self-doubt crowded in onto her convictions. The integration of her thoughts eventually led to the integration of her life.